Happy Healthy You by KJ Landis

Author:KJ Landis [Landis, KJ]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781633536241
Publisher: Mango Media
Published: 2017-08-07T16:00:00+00:00

Davey and Don’s Story: feeling abandoned and acting out

Two brothers, Davey and Don, lost their parents in an automobile accident when the children were eleven and thirteen. Davey was the older sibling. The kids were placed in a foster home together. The new foster parents were upbeat and positive in their outlook on life. They didn’t believe in living in the past, however, so they didn’t take the boys to grief therapy or counseling to deal with their loss. They weren’t very religious either, so they didn’t have a spiritual leader to turn to for the transitions and the boys’ coping techniques. They did, however, take them on trips to see the world and learn about other cultures. The foster parents felt like this was a way to regain connectedness to others, and to see the value of the wide, wonderful world around them.

Just a year or so later, Davey and Don began partying after school with friends. They began getting high and sneaking alcohol. Their grades suffered the effects. They were trying to show the foster parents that they were independent and could do grown up things, like drinking and getting high. They desired attention, but couldn’t say so out loud. They felt like their feelings were dismissed by the foster parents at the initial time of their grief. This was their way of kind of punishing the foster parents. They liked them because they were young and hip, but parenting boundaries and tough love were very much needed.

During the school year, several counselors and school psychologists in their middle and high school held interventions with the kids and their foster parents. They wanted to facilitate some movement with the unattended grief and repair the relationships between the boys and their new family before they were irreparable. Finding a new foster family would be nearly impossible.

Davey and Don did not intentionally make others suffer with their actions, but “suffering” was what everybody at this point was feeling. The boys didn’t want to feel alone in their grief. The boys felt like they were drowning in their despair, and they believed that every adult they knew and loved would leave them at some point. They were mad that their parents had left them, even though it was not their parents’ fault. They were grieving the lost relationship. They grieved the relationship they wished they had to build upon.

The counselors focused on what the boys’ interests were, like painting and writing music. They used these arts to help the new family unit get their emotions out, so the self destructive behavior had a chance to possibly cease. The sessions had the whole family painting, writing lyrics, talking, shouting, singing, and crying together. When anger was shown, it was in a safe place. They were told to regularly make a bonfire in the backyard, to burn up the paintings and music they no longer wanted to keep; that is, the feelings they no longer harbored towards the world.

After several cathartic bonfires, Davey and Don were able to begin anew with the foster parents.

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